Mittwoch, 20. Mai 2009

I wonder

First of all, three things that made today a good day:
* I was allowed to leave uni earlier
* I've got 4 free days ahead
* I actually laughed today

This day is one of my quite moody ones.
And especially in the evening I kept thinking a lot about... stuff.
If you were asked what your happiest moment ever was, what would you answer? Could you even answer right away!? - I can't. And that's what I was thinking about. Of course there are some very nice moments I had, but I can't define one of them as the most happy one. And even now I can't remember... Am I too negative in general? Maybe even pessimistic? Moat people say something like finding love, marriage, having a baby or other stuff, but I think this is not clear enough...
I generally like to stand between the lines... wander beyond light and shadow and here and there touch a spot on either side. It's nice not to be stereotyped as a whole because there are some uncertainties on certain subjects.

Another thing I was wondering about today was if I - or anyone I know- was replacable. If it was that easy to be without certain people... to get used to them not being there. As far as I'm the object of interest I'm not quite sure, but at least for other people I can say that I don't think some of them are replacable. Some people have a special.. let's call it aura to them that makes them unmistakable. And everytime they are not around something's missing, at least for me.
Someone said it's necessary to gather people around you that are good for you- special people I'm glad to be with. And for they are only a few, I keep missing them big time, even if it's just for a day that I can't be around them. Mh.. actually this sounds a bit abusive to me. I need go gather them around me to feel good. I'm inhaling their presence and keep using it for my own benefit... at least kind of. Gnah I'm unable to express myself again. Guess there's just too many things going on in my mind. I'm unable to grasp all of them correctly for they're floating together chaotically.

And I don't like it. I remember once having a conversation on how ones mind looks. While it's a big grey city stored with thoughts to someone, to me it's (like to many other people I guess) a floating and everchanging chaos that can't be controlled. There's no system which I'm able to see and I'm thankful for every thought I can formulate clearly. And there's not too many of them unfortunately. That's probably why almost all my posts are quite chaotic and why I can't seem to stick to just one topic though I wish I could... *gnah*

I guess that's it for now. Have a nice long weekend, you guys.

//PS: I think I sould write a lot more entrys anytime I'm not confused or sad. This whole blog seems so negative and strange... damn oO


  1. you could take the happiest moment in your life the moment where you were born. did you ever regret? did you even regret it in sad moments? somehow especially in sad moments I often try to make me happy again by thanking for my life. just one random answer to the question you posed. it's not absolute.
    i don't believe people are replaceable. I realized it when I found out that I can not deal with people anymore. this I experienced in my life, can't say whether I am still that way, but sometimes I am thinking of it.
    I am impressed by you writing all your thoughts down. For me it's so hard, because my thoughts are too fast, and (I suppose) not formulated as sentences, it's like I am thinking without words, so I have difficulties in expressing myself...) . often it ends up in crap, you see, my blog is the result. but you have an order and know how to write. that's so good.

  2. Well... to be honest, sometimes I regret having to deal with wat I made of myelf. Or with the situations I made myself face. So in general I can say that sometimes I regret my birth. Of couse life is wonderful, but not that much to me. I cherish the life of others much more than mine. Can't really explain this... sorry.

    Haha well you don't want to know how long it takes me to get to one simple post here. :D
    Thoughts are rushing by so quickly and I try to get them into one overall thought, which often doesn't work out. It's nice to know that it looks like order to others though.
    And thanks ^^