Freitag, 28. August 2009

Friggin trains

*gnah* Bad luck keeps following me on the heels it seems.

Today I finally get to drive home and guess what: Forgot my purse and noticed it in the train... So for I'm a good girl I went to the authority telling her about my problem. And you sure can't expect any sympathy from people who don't have a life of their own. No mercy, no understanding, just evil minds... should have asked someone to take me with him/her first.
So now here I sit, having to pay about 70€ instead of the 13 I have to pay usually... just wonderful.

Montag, 17. August 2009

I can't

Why does it always have to be black and white? Where has the grey gone?
I don't know what exactly IS wrong, but everything just doesn't seem to feel right.

I hate the fact that my greatest days are always darkened by something else... Maybe I'll just have to do things on my own for once, without anyone around me able to destroy it. Probably the right thing to do then. In the end my heart and my soul are my true dictators, huh?

It's way to complicated... and I'm totally losing it. It's like sand in my bare hands.
And I'm a disabled...

Right now I'm rehabilitating I guess. Just need more pleasant events...

Donnerstag, 13. August 2009

... cut the randomness

Many people like living in the past. They enjoy remembering how great everything was and wish for these times to return. Of course living in the past can be nice, but you won't ever get forward in life. You'll just stick to what you've had and don't dare to do te next steps. Minus. You're imprisoned by your own memories and can't manage to hold them back. They keep swirling around your mind and dazzle you... Everything you see reminds you of something you've already experienced. So there's nothing new to you. Double minus. What's a life without new experiences and fun?

Some people live in the present. They are rational and can easily adapt to current situations. They know what to expect and always know what to do for now. Never bored, that's a plus. The question however is what you make out of it. Do you just always try to make the best out of every day that passes? Or do you try to always fullfil the wishes you might have? Not so sure about if this is the right way either... Present can be stressing and confusing. You'll sumetimes get stuck with a situation and can't think of a way to solve it. Minor minus.

And a few people live in the future. I'm part of them. They always think about what could happen and can't manage to aprechiate the present nor the past. They are likely to forget about those pretty quickly and get themselves lost in thoughts about what could happen, where they could be. They don't really get anything done as well. Big minus. They always find new things to consider, new chaces or risks. There's never a day when they don't speculate. It's exhausting. I'd rather be able to cheish what I already have accomplished instead of always having to think about what will be, could be, should be and shouldn't be next. It's way too confusing to keep track on. Think about all the opportunities and paths one could go from now. It's disturbing... ina way.
Discovered this just now, for whatever reason. Thought it was important, however, so here I share it with you. Just thoughts in the end, but to me they are important, as hell to be honest. Every discovery strikes me and makes me able to improve further.

So I just took another step. Hopefully in the right direction. Or well maybe I should hope to have chosen the wrong direction, for it gives me the chance to fail and learn? Not so sure...

Dienstag, 11. August 2009

Just now...

Again sitting around without really knowing what to do.
Of course there's some things I need to take care of, but somehow they don't seem important enough to me just now...
Thought holidays would be great and adventurous but totally failed. The ones I'd love to spent time with are either away theirselves or unable to move due to illnesses. This sucks.

So for now there's really nothing to tell you, nothing to do, no reason to blog...
Yet I feel the need to blog... so here we go. >.>

Montag, 3. August 2009


... " You know, actually there's a lot of positive things in what you say. You're not as pessimistic as you think and a lot of good things come out of your mouth. You have great potential as a person, although you might not yet have noticed. You will create the future you desire, that's what's real."

... Why do we always need to get everyones approval? Why does affirmation feel that ridiculously good? Do humans always need to get praised for doing something right or being good at something? We might know that it doesn't really matter for we know what we've created. But if we aren't "rewarded", we wonder if anyone noticed what we've done. Isn't it strange?
Is this all about society again? I wonder...

I keep thinking a lot and cant seem to get the answers I want. I'm stuck somewhere. Might need a map or some help... ;)

Another thing /at the moment) is that I'm overly fascinated by some people- actually it's two.
Seems like some people are too good to be true. They are sincere and honest and manage to express theirselves at any time. They brighten up your mood by just being theirselves and not thinking about making you happy.
... There's nothing worse than sensing someone's just saying something to appease you. oO
I wonder where they've got all their positivity, optimism and wisdom from. It can't be that easy to gain those. I feel like there's still so much I can learn and so much I need to talk to them about. But these people are rare... too rare for my taste. Of course this makes meeting them even better for their enigmatic aura instantaneously flows over. Yet, t's sad when they're not around...

Gnah... don't know what I'm writing >.>
I'll shut up.