Montag, 13. Juni 2011

bygones be bygones

I miss training...
I miss all the nice people I had around me there. I miss my trainers always calm expression. I miss the tension before showing what you can do. I miss the exitement when getting the perfect hit. I miss P motivating me.
I miss sweating and linking it. I miss the energy you feel after training. I miss my sword. I miss the atmosphere. I miss my thoughts of R. I miss both K and R. I miss our conversations. I miss the deep inspiration I always get when I'm around them. I miss philosophy. I miss poetic thoughts. I miss my philosophy teacher from school. I miss the easiness of that time. I miss learning something new every day. I miss the anticipation before a test. I miss my hometown. I miss the old red car I had back then. I miss the freedom I felt. I miss my own carelessness.
To cut things short: I miss the past... a lot.

And it seems like I can't get all those things back as easily as I'd wish. I want to continue training but have a lack of motivation, time and money. I want to visit K and R but am too shy to do so. I want to go back to Japan but it's impossible at the moment. I want to be a kid again but can't.
Of course things change. Of course life gets better an better. Of course I get many new chances and experience amazing things. Yet why can't things change back? Why can't I feel like back then again? Why does time always flow forward instead of backward? Why can't we go back? Why does my head permit me to go back? Why can't I go?

Would it be a disappointment to go back? Would I like it that much? Would it be the same? Could it be even better? I will never know.

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