And again, I can't seem to understand people.
Had some really serious discussions with a close friend lately. Well actually I've met that somebody just about two months ago but it seems like we're one and the same. There's so many things we share and yet we're totally different. Somehow amazing. And I feel really close to a foreign person, which is strange and a little frightening... o.o *gets lost in thoughts*
Anyways, I always wanted to find someone to whom I could completely open up to, which I don't usually do. I tend to keep things to myself a lot causing me much trouble and sadness. But you know, I always thought that was just my way of doing it. And again I easily get lost in self pittying which is so embarrassing. Another thing is that I always think of my time as a valuable, yet running out. I envy people who'se years are passing by slowly. Who think they've got enough time on hand. I always think of my days and years on earth as limited, as for my glass, it would be half empty. Which I actually wouldn't define as being pessimistic, it's just that I... I kind of want to be remembered. I want people and most of all myself to be proud of something I produced. I need to find a sense in life, a purpose.
What's a life worth without a purpose. Without a goal to achieve? - Let me tell you, it's absolutely senseless. And I keep feeling senseless until I'll find the one thing I can do... I feel so useless lately.God and I'm drifting again... well don't pay too much attention on this.
I'm sure this is something I'll have to handle myself.
But I'm losing track of what I wanted to say... again. -_-
Actually I don't even remember the purpose of this entry. *damn*
Exept of the fact that people keep pissing me off a lot lately. Ther are so may people who don't deserve to be here (which means living) at all. Yet they're everywhere. What's wrong with the world? I kept asking myself this question a lot, but there's no solution to me. Don't know what happened... and I actully don't care anymore. No need for more headache ¬_¬
People just suck, that's it.
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I realized, yesterday, that most people are just brainwashed by society. And society is 'made up', mostly by the government. You are one of the few people I know who will think about that when I tell them.
AntwortenLöschenFor me, it's the solution. Why is the world so shitty? Because the people in power want it to be, and they are good at directing it there.
For me such headaches have been important for me since I can remeber. It's what keeps telling me when I'm on the right track. Bad grades in school turn out to be a sign that I avoided most of the brainwash. And my continued feeling that university is not for me is of the a similar nature I think. It's all about finding your own direction, and then going down that road as far as nessecary.
That's indeed a solution to the problem. Yet I can't grasp why the government would want people to be as shitty as they are. Sure it ensures them a lot of money... ah and again that's what they're striving for. I see. ¬_¬
AntwortenLöschenIt's always so easy to believe you... Headaches do indeed remember us of our being. But they also make life become even more difficult. Should that be what it's all about? Living a difficult life? Maybe that's the burdon we are faced with.
And I always feel like I can't overcome the obstacles I'm faced. It's like I keep staring at them hoping they'll vanish themselves... >_>
Therefore to me it's hard finding my own way for I'm caught within the paths of my mind. Or stopped by the obstacles I can't overcome. (Which is mostly things I can not understand, such as people) I feel like I'm stagnating, u know? Which again makes my existance feel useless.
May be a bit exaggerated, but that's the core of it all. To me at least.