The reason why I startet with photography.
My whole life has been ordinary. I've been raised up like a lot of other children, had a happy childhood and wasn't discriminated against or anything in school. I've always been just the average type of person. Been quite good at learning I guess (whatever you can get from that), but always good, not exeptional. I didn't want my life to be ordinary...
By now I try to convince myself that I started photography, because I've always been afraid of forgetting things. To not be able to remember what I've lived through. Because photography is a way of capturing time and space. Fortunately by now the results don't get lost that fast. Yet I somehow feel I'm just making this up to disguise the true reason for all of this.
I wanted to be exeptional at something. So when I started taking random photographs, had fun doing it and people told me how they liked it, I discovered my chance to do something that obviously not anybody could do. I strived to be exeptional, to find the purpose of my being. Because staying mediocrite definetely wasn't what I expected of life. And I needed a plan, a path I could follow.
Mh... I think by now I kind of know what it's about. And I gathered some more reasons to keep taking photographs. Its something I can please others with and likewise something that I can cherish and aprechiate myself. I'm feeling rewarded and accepted for what I do now and it does feel awesome. :)
Photography has become more than just an occupation or something to find aprechiation through... it's everything :3
--- Had to think about this a while ago and felt like posting
Dienstag, 10. November 2009
Sonntag, 1. November 2009
Slow
Well you guys... didn't post anything for quite a while now and to be honest, I still don't really have that much to say. Had a lot of things planned but none of them would come true, so mäh...
Still am a bit sad and don't feel that well... maybe I'm getting sick. Swine flu? Who knows :E
Hope to get a grip on all my uni tasks again for I have been procrastinating way too much lately and things are about to get out of hand @_@ Wahh.... I don't wanna.
Mh other than that... did some new photoshoots recently and am more than thankful that we finally have some new backdrops for the photostudio in our uni. Imagine, a white background that is white after all! Just amazing :P
Oh and I do miss some of my close friends. They've been away for about a month and a new meeting up is not yet settled... I tend to miss people fast... so I'm sad mostly. And homesick >.>
Still am a bit sad and don't feel that well... maybe I'm getting sick. Swine flu? Who knows :E
Hope to get a grip on all my uni tasks again for I have been procrastinating way too much lately and things are about to get out of hand @_@ Wahh.... I don't wanna.
Mh other than that... did some new photoshoots recently and am more than thankful that we finally have some new backdrops for the photostudio in our uni. Imagine, a white background that is white after all! Just amazing :P
Oh and I do miss some of my close friends. They've been away for about a month and a new meeting up is not yet settled... I tend to miss people fast... so I'm sad mostly. And homesick >.>
Montag, 12. Oktober 2009
Bonfim
Ever heard of those so called "Bonfim" bracelets?
It's a brazilian tradition I got introduced to by a good friend of mine. She spent a year in Brazil and came back with them. It's said that those bracelets (of a very light and thin fabric) have to be knotted three times. And you may wish for something for every knot that is made. You are not allowed to take it off- ever. It will fall off your wrist - or wherever you have it- by itself. And if it finally does, your wishes either are fulfilled already or will be fulfilled very soon.
Well I have to admit I love those kind of things, so of course I did have one of my own. And guess what, it fell off my ankle yesterday :D
So yeah, basicly quite happy there says and my spirits are back.
Also have some new inspiration, especially for the upcoming uni projects like a stop-motion film and another short video. Guess those will be quite good :3
Will tell you about some more important stuff later, promise *grin*
So regards and stuff
It's a brazilian tradition I got introduced to by a good friend of mine. She spent a year in Brazil and came back with them. It's said that those bracelets (of a very light and thin fabric) have to be knotted three times. And you may wish for something for every knot that is made. You are not allowed to take it off- ever. It will fall off your wrist - or wherever you have it- by itself. And if it finally does, your wishes either are fulfilled already or will be fulfilled very soon.
Well I have to admit I love those kind of things, so of course I did have one of my own. And guess what, it fell off my ankle yesterday :D
So yeah, basicly quite happy there says and my spirits are back.
Also have some new inspiration, especially for the upcoming uni projects like a stop-motion film and another short video. Guess those will be quite good :3
Will tell you about some more important stuff later, promise *grin*
So regards and stuff
Dienstag, 6. Oktober 2009
And I feel
Gosh this week is hell... already.
New semester of uni has just started and I'm sick of it already. Well maybe it's not university but me, who knows. Who cares actually?
Seems I do. And I feel miserable... a lot and can't say why that is. My spirits are gone and likewise my motivation and talents it seems. I really suck. If there's any prize for sucker of the day, it's mine. Most definetely.
Damn!
New semester of uni has just started and I'm sick of it already. Well maybe it's not university but me, who knows. Who cares actually?
Seems I do. And I feel miserable... a lot and can't say why that is. My spirits are gone and likewise my motivation and talents it seems. I really suck. If there's any prize for sucker of the day, it's mine. Most definetely.
Damn!
Montag, 5. Oktober 2009
Strageness and Needs
First of all, I needed to steal this one from Len.
1. IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY” YOU SAY?
Worker Bees
2. HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
Em Ocean
3. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?
Dein Leben
4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Where'd you go
5. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE PURPOSE?
The heretic anthem
6. WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Chop Suey!
7. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Going under
8. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Jet Pilot
9. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT A LOT?
Moan
11. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Faceless Man
12. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Tres Tristes Tigres
13. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Babylon System
14. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Nam Nam
15. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Blue
16. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Club Newburgh
17. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
In Pieces
18. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
The Ex
19. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Use Somebody
20. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Borders and Shading
21. SONG THEY WILL PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
So Cold
LOL... This stuff is amazing!!! A lot of way too cool "aswers"! Thanks Len, you made my day :)
Will comment on this crappy day tomorrow... I think.
Donnerstag, 1. Oktober 2009
.
Those eyes I couldn't escape... ...
Those mesmerizing eyes that mine were glued to. They washed through me, washed away all my worries, my thoughts, my past. All my life in fact. I was nothing, I was everything as long as I stared into them. Everything meant nothing, there was no hurry. It all didn't matter anymore, for a whole world spread out before me. Experiences of a lifetime, a library of his life ready to be explored. I could have shared all he knew, but was given no time. Moments that shouldn't be allowed to end always fade the fastest. They always do...
I wish I could say more, but again I'm out of words. Can't explain, just feel. It's hard sharing feelings, but I think for the first tme now, I could do it I think.
Just imagine.
Those mesmerizing eyes that mine were glued to. They washed through me, washed away all my worries, my thoughts, my past. All my life in fact. I was nothing, I was everything as long as I stared into them. Everything meant nothing, there was no hurry. It all didn't matter anymore, for a whole world spread out before me. Experiences of a lifetime, a library of his life ready to be explored. I could have shared all he knew, but was given no time. Moments that shouldn't be allowed to end always fade the fastest. They always do...
I wish I could say more, but again I'm out of words. Can't explain, just feel. It's hard sharing feelings, but I think for the first tme now, I could do it I think.
Just imagine.
Donnerstag, 24. September 2009
Who!?
Who am I? A cross-wearing (but non-religious) swordsmanship-training and photo-taking girl with (occasionally) purple hair... But does this count as an identity? What else is there to me than the things I do or the way I look? There definetely has to be something more.
Yet I am incapable of grasping it for I'm not really around myself that much. I just happen to know everything I'm saying and thinking...
Would be nice to have someone sincerely judging me. To define who or what I am more closely. Can't really say that I'm having an identity crisis, just wondering what I am to others. Because all I am is the marks anyone else left on me.
I am what other people made me and try to convince myself that I'm creating my own future. Strange, isn't it?
Yet I am incapable of grasping it for I'm not really around myself that much. I just happen to know everything I'm saying and thinking...
Would be nice to have someone sincerely judging me. To define who or what I am more closely. Can't really say that I'm having an identity crisis, just wondering what I am to others. Because all I am is the marks anyone else left on me.
I am what other people made me and try to convince myself that I'm creating my own future. Strange, isn't it?
Montag, 21. September 2009
Uncertainty
Well, a lot of things keep happening, both positive and negative. Don't quite know what to think about this, it's just happening. Moreover I have a lot of new changes, chances, opportunities and obstacles in front of me. Don't know how everything will turn out but am unable to think about all this. It's just too much for my brain to handle at the moment.
Had a lot if deadlines, appointments and To-Do's these last weeks and am pretty much exhausted. I love what I'm doing, but right now I'm a bit tired of it. Can't seem to concentrate and my holidays don't really feel like holidays anymore. Unfortunately it feels like I didn't have any... And with university starting again I don't know if I'll be able to handle all my stuff.
I'm even emotionally confused at the moment and a little unable to keep my relationships alive. Just a moment ago a vessel in my eye popped, leaving the most ugly and strange mark... I need sleep.
I've got no clue where to start, what to do, what to think through... I'm just trying to complete the level I guess.
Had a lot if deadlines, appointments and To-Do's these last weeks and am pretty much exhausted. I love what I'm doing, but right now I'm a bit tired of it. Can't seem to concentrate and my holidays don't really feel like holidays anymore. Unfortunately it feels like I didn't have any... And with university starting again I don't know if I'll be able to handle all my stuff.
I'm even emotionally confused at the moment and a little unable to keep my relationships alive. Just a moment ago a vessel in my eye popped, leaving the most ugly and strange mark... I need sleep.
I've got no clue where to start, what to do, what to think through... I'm just trying to complete the level I guess.
Samstag, 12. September 2009
Focus
Everyone makes mistakes. A lot to be honest. Seems like we humans need failure to improve. The good thing about it is that there's almost always a second chance for us to take. So in the end it doesn't really matter how many times you did wrong, does it? We aren't forced to do things we don't want to. Who would be in the position to require it?
Yet, there is something all of us need to do and that is to be ourselves. We can't afford to fail here. It does not entirely matter how many times we can't do something, but what's important is, to be ourselves. Truly, purely and honestly.
How can you expect to be loved or treated right when you're not yourself? When you're not showing your true personality. You'll always feel something's missing for you'll never get anything you could. So in the end this is a requirement from ourselves of ourselves. There's nothing more important in this world. Be good or be bad, love or hate, it doesn't matter as long as you truly are yourself. Only then can you grasp what and who you really are.
We all gradually build up our facades, but there is a time to get rid of them. You won't need them andy longer if you want to live life to the fullest. Let go and break free. Show the world your true colors. Of course most people won't see them anyways, for they became unable to feel all this. They are hollow inside, just walking shades of what they used to be. They lost it. Even if they do feel someday, they'd get irritated and probably get afraid for they don't know how it feels anymore. There's nothing that distincts them from all the architecture we created. They are nothing more than walls of concrete and stone... Wrongly cherished "achievements of humanity".
So this may be our crusade now, the one purpose we have to fullfil for now.
The rest will come...
Yet, there is something all of us need to do and that is to be ourselves. We can't afford to fail here. It does not entirely matter how many times we can't do something, but what's important is, to be ourselves. Truly, purely and honestly.
How can you expect to be loved or treated right when you're not yourself? When you're not showing your true personality. You'll always feel something's missing for you'll never get anything you could. So in the end this is a requirement from ourselves of ourselves. There's nothing more important in this world. Be good or be bad, love or hate, it doesn't matter as long as you truly are yourself. Only then can you grasp what and who you really are.
We all gradually build up our facades, but there is a time to get rid of them. You won't need them andy longer if you want to live life to the fullest. Let go and break free. Show the world your true colors. Of course most people won't see them anyways, for they became unable to feel all this. They are hollow inside, just walking shades of what they used to be. They lost it. Even if they do feel someday, they'd get irritated and probably get afraid for they don't know how it feels anymore. There's nothing that distincts them from all the architecture we created. They are nothing more than walls of concrete and stone... Wrongly cherished "achievements of humanity".
So this may be our crusade now, the one purpose we have to fullfil for now.
The rest will come...
Mittwoch, 2. September 2009
"Do never forget how it feels"
That's what he said.
When I felt, it overwhelmed me. My heart accelerating and trying to crush my ribs from the inside, tears flowing without a reason. It did feel strange, but good at the same time. Somehow important. I didn't want it to end but of course it did...
Now I feel unable to recall those feelings. I don't even feel alive without them. How can I know my heart is still beating if it's not smashing against my ribs? What did I hold back that day? I felt something wanted to break free, to crush the shell I surrounded it with. I didn't fully allow it and now it's gone. Feels like I'm missing something... sinking again.
What I'm most afraid of? Forgetting how it felt...
____________________________
A lot of interesting things happened. Made use of my moleskin a lot lately but am unsure wether to share. It's very personal in the end. At least it helps me to remember- hopefully.
When I felt, it overwhelmed me. My heart accelerating and trying to crush my ribs from the inside, tears flowing without a reason. It did feel strange, but good at the same time. Somehow important. I didn't want it to end but of course it did...
Now I feel unable to recall those feelings. I don't even feel alive without them. How can I know my heart is still beating if it's not smashing against my ribs? What did I hold back that day? I felt something wanted to break free, to crush the shell I surrounded it with. I didn't fully allow it and now it's gone. Feels like I'm missing something... sinking again.
What I'm most afraid of? Forgetting how it felt...
____________________________
A lot of interesting things happened. Made use of my moleskin a lot lately but am unsure wether to share. It's very personal in the end. At least it helps me to remember- hopefully.
Abonnieren
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