Let's go colour

Have been doing quite a lot new projects these last few months. This time, I thought I could go more colourful than I usually do. And I really like the outcome :)

Model was the wonderful Anna and Make Up was done by Miriam.

bygones be bygones

I miss training...
I miss all the nice people I had around me there. I miss my trainers always calm expression. I miss the tension before showing what you can do. I miss the exitement when getting the perfect hit. I miss P motivating me.
I miss sweating and linking it. I miss the energy you feel after training. I miss my sword. I miss the atmosphere. I miss my thoughts of R. I miss both K and R. I miss our conversations. I miss the deep inspiration I always get when I'm around them. I miss philosophy. I miss poetic thoughts. I miss my philosophy teacher from school. I miss the easiness of that time. I miss learning something new every day. I miss the anticipation before a test. I miss my hometown. I miss the old red car I had back then. I miss the freedom I felt. I miss my own carelessness.
To cut things short: I miss the past... a lot.

And it seems like I can't get all those things back as easily as I'd wish. I want to continue training but have a lack of motivation, time and money. I want to visit K and R but am too shy to do so. I want to go back to Japan but it's impossible at the moment. I want to be a kid again but can't.
Of course things change. Of course life gets better an better. Of course I get many new chances and experience amazing things. Yet why can't things change back? Why can't I feel like back then again? Why does time always flow forward instead of backward? Why can't we go back? Why does my head permit me to go back? Why can't I go?

Would it be a disappointment to go back? Would I like it that much? Would it be the same? Could it be even better? I will never know.

Besides

Am trying to fous more on my photography this year and have been doing another shooting last weekend. My first time beauty shooting. What's funny about it is, that I actually like the images we took besides the actual shooting better than my series. ^^" Damn.
But then who actually cares? I love it.

See the beautiful Amanda who seems to be more fairy than human.

Shooting again

It's been months and months since I have last been shooting. That was horrible :P

First project for this year is part of a university class that I'm doing. Have to shoot a few series this semester. No other specifications.
First idea was to shoot a Lingerie Editorial in a church. Also wanted to take up the nun-image.
And here's the result ;)



Model: Aljona / MUA: Jasmin / Assistants: Marcus + Achim / Fashion: Zugeschnürt

uni

Feels good to be in university again. Am very relaxed and balanced these days, which feely extremely nice. All the internships strain has fallen off of me.

University offers some nice classes this semester which can be described as useful as well. So yay :D Have many new projects to work on and am greatly looking forward to these. First shooting will be upcoming monday.

more later...

How to live a fucking good life

Now that I'm done with my internship I feel a slight relief. Did have quite much responsibility, which led to stress I haven't known before. And I actually don't like being that responsible on so many different fields. But that done (and my much desired trip to Japan cancelled, unfortunately) there was enough time to regenerate and relax. Too much time actually.

Am now looking quite forward to university starting again. Quite confident with my choice of classes as well. I didn't choose Photography as my field of interest for the classes were rather boring. Also I'm not that much into documentary photograph and stills... too bad :P
So we'll see what tomorrow brings.

Also I was offered a cool spare-time job that I will apply for the upcoming friday.
And gosh I need to redo my portfolio anytime soon. Just put that on my growing To-Do list -_-

Many changes and decisions ahead... will keep you updated ;)

2011

Plans for 2011

.get my own EOS 5D Mk II
.shoot at least 3 beauty editorials
.organize more photoshoots
.earn some money with my photography

.improve my cutting skills
.learn much more Japanese
.learn to play the violin or piano
.grow more self confident

.visit at least 5 new cities
.develop my own analogue films
.lose weight
.go out with friends more

Inspiration

I'd like to dedicate this post to a photographer that greatly inspires me;

JINGNA ZHANG

It's kind of hard to explain what exactely it is that fascinates me that much about her work, but I'll gladly try.
There is such a subtile beauty to all of her photos that I can't resist. Somehow they seem magical, unreal. On the first look her photos seem to be so easy and natural, but if you look at them closer there's so much emotion and depth to them that you can easily get lost.

I love the way she portraits people, how she manages to capture the essence of a person in just one look. And without doing too less or too much. It just seems natural.
I love the way she uses fabrics and materials and integrates them in her photos. The floating, silky fabrics or the deep black water.
I love the specific colours thet can be found in almost all of her photos. The fairytale-like paleness of her models.
I love the models she works with. They are stunning and of a beauty I have seldomly witnessed.

I am very thankful to be allowed to share the moments she captures. And only by seeing her images I feel greatly inspired to truly grasp the beauty of life around me. And to be able to capture moments like this by myself someday...

We can only then be successful if we clearly know what we're looking for. If we are aware of the things that remain unseen by others. And I think Jingna has found it and made it her gift to us...


And here's some of my favourites of her work:

Happiness

I haven't been myself these last months. I always felt like being at the brink of losing myself completely. An unbelievable sadness has overwhelmed me and until now I wasn't able to grasp why...

I think I've made a mistake about a year ago. Back then my decision was right but by now it has proven to be terribly wrong. I have been searching for a year now. earching almost exactely for what I have abandoned back then. Am currently trying to fix it somehow and am curious for the results of this.

Will let you know.

You

You are a strange creature.
Walking the earth like you were of the usual kind. Mingling with the big great mass trying not to stand out. Yet we both know you're different. There's something about you that I cannot resist. You're my gravity, my inspiration, my... lost treasure. The safety I needed to grow.
I lost track of where your path led you. Forgot how to recognize you - grew ignorant of your appeal.
Where are you? How can I find you again? When will I stop being lonely?
We always wish for what we've lost. For what we've left behind and what we can't own.
I wish to find you again. And some time I will.

... for all prayers are heard...

♥