Well yes, a new year has begun.
Still haven't quite digested the last one I think. Time went by all to quickly and the feeling of missing some things grows stonger ans stronger.
Still, London was a blast. Exept of the 17 hour drive there and the 20 hour drive back, which was more then torturous...
Have been able to see a lot more of London than the last time I was there, which has only been for a day. Did revisit a lot of the places I've been to and even found the one japanese restorant I went to three years ago. Almost thught we'd never find it, because Chinatown is _so_ crowded woth these *haha* Well the purpose of my going to London actually was to get my precious memories back... for I lost almost all of the photos I took three years ago. Am so glad to have them back, you can't imagine... May seem a pathetic thing to do, but I needed this.
Yet now I feel more exhausted than ever. Can't even think of next week when uni will start again and we'll come to the final phase of this semester. So much work ahead and so little yet prepared. Should have made time management one of my priorities this year. *haha*
Mh well what else... already have everything I own stuffed into various boxes, which means the room I'm gonna live in for the final week of being in this dormitory is.. empty. Nothing personal, nothing at all actually, exept of the few things I'll need every day. Feels very strange sitting here. Like this wasn't my apartment... like no one ever lived here. Strange, again.
Am going to try to catch up with speel the last days and will see what mysteries the new year holds for me. Maybe I'll finally have some more time to do the things I want to, need to do.
Samstag, 2. Januar 2010
Dienstag, 29. Dezember 2009
Trivials
Sometimes it feels like you have known people for an eternity. Yet you don't really seem to know anything about them. Sure, you know lots of deep buried things. The type that is hidden deep down in their souls. It's those people you start to have the deepest conversations with from the beginning. But you're missing the unimportant things. The most trivial stuff like their favourite color, food, their biggest fear, what form their favourite plushed animal had and so on.
It feels like you've skipped most of your getting to know each other and dived right to the core. Yet sometimes it's nicer not to skip those levels. I'm missing those...
I feel an unbearable need for trivial things. My head is so crowded with important stuff, that it gets harder and harder to focus. I feel like I'm losing part of who I am. Maybe it will be worth the bad feeling in the end. But I actually don't want to wait. I just want it to stop. Need to clear my head.
Am off to London now. Will spend New Years over there and will have an interview for an internship I'd like to do there. We'll see how that one works out. Have fun you guys and a happy new year to you
It feels like you've skipped most of your getting to know each other and dived right to the core. Yet sometimes it's nicer not to skip those levels. I'm missing those...
I feel an unbearable need for trivial things. My head is so crowded with important stuff, that it gets harder and harder to focus. I feel like I'm losing part of who I am. Maybe it will be worth the bad feeling in the end. But I actually don't want to wait. I just want it to stop. Need to clear my head.
Am off to London now. Will spend New Years over there and will have an interview for an internship I'd like to do there. We'll see how that one works out. Have fun you guys and a happy new year to you
Sonntag, 6. Dezember 2009
Just something
Something quick and unnecessary for now.
I am _so_ in love with the new 30 Seconds to Mars album, it's riddiculous. After the awesome concert and signing stuff I feel so much closer to that band.
And having new music finally does feel totally awesome. Getting lost all the time and enjoying my self. Don't know what I'd do without music...
Still more than busy these days (and the upcoming weeks as well) uff.. I don't really wanna live these. o.o Strange thing to say, but that's how I feel. Wished it was all over already.
Either way I'm quite sure I won't be able to blog quite a while. Like I haven't until today *ha*
I miss blogging actually. It's always so much fun in a way. But atm I can't.
Go get the album, or ask me go give it to you... you'll love it :)
I am _so_ in love with the new 30 Seconds to Mars album, it's riddiculous. After the awesome concert and signing stuff I feel so much closer to that band.
And having new music finally does feel totally awesome. Getting lost all the time and enjoying my self. Don't know what I'd do without music...
Still more than busy these days (and the upcoming weeks as well) uff.. I don't really wanna live these. o.o Strange thing to say, but that's how I feel. Wished it was all over already.
Either way I'm quite sure I won't be able to blog quite a while. Like I haven't until today *ha*
I miss blogging actually. It's always so much fun in a way. But atm I can't.
Go get the album, or ask me go give it to you... you'll love it :)
Freitag, 13. November 2009
Recognition
I have to trust myself more.
Of course I still don't quite believe I can be as exeptional as the people I look up to, but who knows. After all they've been just as normal as I am now. I might be capable of a lot more than I imagine. In the end, there's really nothing I can lose, for I didn't really create anything yet. Consequently I'm free to do whatever I desire. What makes me whole and completes me. What I feel I need to do. It's _my_ priorities, not others'.
Yes, I am quite conform and I was shaped to be like I am now. Yet I have someone else inside me. A would be self... the best even possible. I can feel the struggle one has to get through to follow his dreams. Of course I can see that it's the harder way around. Yet... you always have to think about what it's worth in the end. I am aware of certain things, that's what makes me capable of change. He believes I have tremendous potential, not only in swordfight, but in life. I just have to listen to what my heart tells me instead of listening to my mind. My mind is what keeps me from living my dreams. I've been taught to go the safe places, to use the straight and easy ways to my destination. But again, what do I have to lose? If I fail, it'll only make me stronger, if I succeed, I've proven a point. One way or the other, I have to start to think about what I want to do with my life. Because life is not for waiting for the right moment, it's about living. I realised that.
I think I didn't quite live the life I wanted until now. So this is going to be a great change. I'll probably face a lot of hardships and cry a lot, maybe even scream while cyring, but in the end it'll be more than worth all the pain. Because every pain I hide for now becomes one with my body and it'll show someday. I will be emotionally, physically and psyhically crippled. To become the best possible Vivi, I will have to think about who I really am. What parts of me are what I desire, yet? Is this how I want to be? Or is it just a safe shell I'm hiding in, afraid of whatever might change?
I will kill Vivi... in order to set free my real self. The Vivi _I_ want to be, not the Vivi others want to see.
Long way to go, a lot of new things yet to discover.
And a lot of new inspiration and drive of course. I'll make my life as special and worth living as can be. To wake up every morning and be happy to exist...
__________________
Met him again today. Always a pleasure and a great inspiration. He's so easy to talk to, it just comes naturally. There's nothing he has to hide. Of course he has his very own struggles, but his life is what I'd describe as perfect. And he is exeptional... that's for sure.
Of course I still don't quite believe I can be as exeptional as the people I look up to, but who knows. After all they've been just as normal as I am now. I might be capable of a lot more than I imagine. In the end, there's really nothing I can lose, for I didn't really create anything yet. Consequently I'm free to do whatever I desire. What makes me whole and completes me. What I feel I need to do. It's _my_ priorities, not others'.
Yes, I am quite conform and I was shaped to be like I am now. Yet I have someone else inside me. A would be self... the best even possible. I can feel the struggle one has to get through to follow his dreams. Of course I can see that it's the harder way around. Yet... you always have to think about what it's worth in the end. I am aware of certain things, that's what makes me capable of change. He believes I have tremendous potential, not only in swordfight, but in life. I just have to listen to what my heart tells me instead of listening to my mind. My mind is what keeps me from living my dreams. I've been taught to go the safe places, to use the straight and easy ways to my destination. But again, what do I have to lose? If I fail, it'll only make me stronger, if I succeed, I've proven a point. One way or the other, I have to start to think about what I want to do with my life. Because life is not for waiting for the right moment, it's about living. I realised that.
I think I didn't quite live the life I wanted until now. So this is going to be a great change. I'll probably face a lot of hardships and cry a lot, maybe even scream while cyring, but in the end it'll be more than worth all the pain. Because every pain I hide for now becomes one with my body and it'll show someday. I will be emotionally, physically and psyhically crippled. To become the best possible Vivi, I will have to think about who I really am. What parts of me are what I desire, yet? Is this how I want to be? Or is it just a safe shell I'm hiding in, afraid of whatever might change?
I will kill Vivi... in order to set free my real self. The Vivi _I_ want to be, not the Vivi others want to see.
Long way to go, a lot of new things yet to discover.
And a lot of new inspiration and drive of course. I'll make my life as special and worth living as can be. To wake up every morning and be happy to exist...
__________________
Met him again today. Always a pleasure and a great inspiration. He's so easy to talk to, it just comes naturally. There's nothing he has to hide. Of course he has his very own struggles, but his life is what I'd describe as perfect. And he is exeptional... that's for sure.
Dienstag, 10. November 2009
True
The reason why I startet with photography.
My whole life has been ordinary. I've been raised up like a lot of other children, had a happy childhood and wasn't discriminated against or anything in school. I've always been just the average type of person. Been quite good at learning I guess (whatever you can get from that), but always good, not exeptional. I didn't want my life to be ordinary...
By now I try to convince myself that I started photography, because I've always been afraid of forgetting things. To not be able to remember what I've lived through. Because photography is a way of capturing time and space. Fortunately by now the results don't get lost that fast. Yet I somehow feel I'm just making this up to disguise the true reason for all of this.
I wanted to be exeptional at something. So when I started taking random photographs, had fun doing it and people told me how they liked it, I discovered my chance to do something that obviously not anybody could do. I strived to be exeptional, to find the purpose of my being. Because staying mediocrite definetely wasn't what I expected of life. And I needed a plan, a path I could follow.
Mh... I think by now I kind of know what it's about. And I gathered some more reasons to keep taking photographs. Its something I can please others with and likewise something that I can cherish and aprechiate myself. I'm feeling rewarded and accepted for what I do now and it does feel awesome. :)
Photography has become more than just an occupation or something to find aprechiation through... it's everything :3
--- Had to think about this a while ago and felt like posting
My whole life has been ordinary. I've been raised up like a lot of other children, had a happy childhood and wasn't discriminated against or anything in school. I've always been just the average type of person. Been quite good at learning I guess (whatever you can get from that), but always good, not exeptional. I didn't want my life to be ordinary...
By now I try to convince myself that I started photography, because I've always been afraid of forgetting things. To not be able to remember what I've lived through. Because photography is a way of capturing time and space. Fortunately by now the results don't get lost that fast. Yet I somehow feel I'm just making this up to disguise the true reason for all of this.
I wanted to be exeptional at something. So when I started taking random photographs, had fun doing it and people told me how they liked it, I discovered my chance to do something that obviously not anybody could do. I strived to be exeptional, to find the purpose of my being. Because staying mediocrite definetely wasn't what I expected of life. And I needed a plan, a path I could follow.
Mh... I think by now I kind of know what it's about. And I gathered some more reasons to keep taking photographs. Its something I can please others with and likewise something that I can cherish and aprechiate myself. I'm feeling rewarded and accepted for what I do now and it does feel awesome. :)
Photography has become more than just an occupation or something to find aprechiation through... it's everything :3
--- Had to think about this a while ago and felt like posting
Sonntag, 1. November 2009
Slow
Well you guys... didn't post anything for quite a while now and to be honest, I still don't really have that much to say. Had a lot of things planned but none of them would come true, so mäh...
Still am a bit sad and don't feel that well... maybe I'm getting sick. Swine flu? Who knows :E
Hope to get a grip on all my uni tasks again for I have been procrastinating way too much lately and things are about to get out of hand @_@ Wahh.... I don't wanna.
Mh other than that... did some new photoshoots recently and am more than thankful that we finally have some new backdrops for the photostudio in our uni. Imagine, a white background that is white after all! Just amazing :P
Oh and I do miss some of my close friends. They've been away for about a month and a new meeting up is not yet settled... I tend to miss people fast... so I'm sad mostly. And homesick >.>
Still am a bit sad and don't feel that well... maybe I'm getting sick. Swine flu? Who knows :E
Hope to get a grip on all my uni tasks again for I have been procrastinating way too much lately and things are about to get out of hand @_@ Wahh.... I don't wanna.
Mh other than that... did some new photoshoots recently and am more than thankful that we finally have some new backdrops for the photostudio in our uni. Imagine, a white background that is white after all! Just amazing :P
Oh and I do miss some of my close friends. They've been away for about a month and a new meeting up is not yet settled... I tend to miss people fast... so I'm sad mostly. And homesick >.>
Montag, 12. Oktober 2009
Bonfim
Ever heard of those so called "Bonfim" bracelets?
It's a brazilian tradition I got introduced to by a good friend of mine. She spent a year in Brazil and came back with them. It's said that those bracelets (of a very light and thin fabric) have to be knotted three times. And you may wish for something for every knot that is made. You are not allowed to take it off- ever. It will fall off your wrist - or wherever you have it- by itself. And if it finally does, your wishes either are fulfilled already or will be fulfilled very soon.
Well I have to admit I love those kind of things, so of course I did have one of my own. And guess what, it fell off my ankle yesterday :D
So yeah, basicly quite happy there says and my spirits are back.
Also have some new inspiration, especially for the upcoming uni projects like a stop-motion film and another short video. Guess those will be quite good :3
Will tell you about some more important stuff later, promise *grin*
So regards and stuff
It's a brazilian tradition I got introduced to by a good friend of mine. She spent a year in Brazil and came back with them. It's said that those bracelets (of a very light and thin fabric) have to be knotted three times. And you may wish for something for every knot that is made. You are not allowed to take it off- ever. It will fall off your wrist - or wherever you have it- by itself. And if it finally does, your wishes either are fulfilled already or will be fulfilled very soon.
Well I have to admit I love those kind of things, so of course I did have one of my own. And guess what, it fell off my ankle yesterday :D
So yeah, basicly quite happy there says and my spirits are back.
Also have some new inspiration, especially for the upcoming uni projects like a stop-motion film and another short video. Guess those will be quite good :3
Will tell you about some more important stuff later, promise *grin*
So regards and stuff
Dienstag, 6. Oktober 2009
And I feel
Gosh this week is hell... already.
New semester of uni has just started and I'm sick of it already. Well maybe it's not university but me, who knows. Who cares actually?
Seems I do. And I feel miserable... a lot and can't say why that is. My spirits are gone and likewise my motivation and talents it seems. I really suck. If there's any prize for sucker of the day, it's mine. Most definetely.
Damn!
New semester of uni has just started and I'm sick of it already. Well maybe it's not university but me, who knows. Who cares actually?
Seems I do. And I feel miserable... a lot and can't say why that is. My spirits are gone and likewise my motivation and talents it seems. I really suck. If there's any prize for sucker of the day, it's mine. Most definetely.
Damn!
Montag, 5. Oktober 2009
Strageness and Needs
First of all, I needed to steal this one from Len.
1. IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY” YOU SAY?
Worker Bees
2. HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
Em Ocean
3. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?
Dein Leben
4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Where'd you go
5. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE PURPOSE?
The heretic anthem
6. WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Chop Suey!
7. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Going under
8. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Jet Pilot
9. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT A LOT?
Moan
11. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Faceless Man
12. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Tres Tristes Tigres
13. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Babylon System
14. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Nam Nam
15. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Blue
16. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Club Newburgh
17. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
In Pieces
18. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
The Ex
19. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Use Somebody
20. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Borders and Shading
21. SONG THEY WILL PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
So Cold
LOL... This stuff is amazing!!! A lot of way too cool "aswers"! Thanks Len, you made my day :)
Will comment on this crappy day tomorrow... I think.
Donnerstag, 1. Oktober 2009
.
Those eyes I couldn't escape... ...
Those mesmerizing eyes that mine were glued to. They washed through me, washed away all my worries, my thoughts, my past. All my life in fact. I was nothing, I was everything as long as I stared into them. Everything meant nothing, there was no hurry. It all didn't matter anymore, for a whole world spread out before me. Experiences of a lifetime, a library of his life ready to be explored. I could have shared all he knew, but was given no time. Moments that shouldn't be allowed to end always fade the fastest. They always do...
I wish I could say more, but again I'm out of words. Can't explain, just feel. It's hard sharing feelings, but I think for the first tme now, I could do it I think.
Just imagine.
Those mesmerizing eyes that mine were glued to. They washed through me, washed away all my worries, my thoughts, my past. All my life in fact. I was nothing, I was everything as long as I stared into them. Everything meant nothing, there was no hurry. It all didn't matter anymore, for a whole world spread out before me. Experiences of a lifetime, a library of his life ready to be explored. I could have shared all he knew, but was given no time. Moments that shouldn't be allowed to end always fade the fastest. They always do...
I wish I could say more, but again I'm out of words. Can't explain, just feel. It's hard sharing feelings, but I think for the first tme now, I could do it I think.
Just imagine.
Abonnieren
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